Two weeks ago, I had the pleasure of sitting down with the wonderful Randy Esen in my living room and listen to her soon to be released new album over some baked goods and cups of coffee. Any musician that knows her can immediately tell how precious of an experience this is. After long talks over this amazing music, writing edits and the release date gone by, I’m proud to share with you our conversation to read while you listen to this incredible album, a legacy project as she names it, and dive deep into each song with its stories and meaning.

Randy Esen: This record is born from a project I did right before the pandemic when I decided to do my original compositions. “Not Alone” was one of the first songs I wrote in that period and features Elif Çağlar. Written on the street while waiting for a taxi, it gives the album its title as well. It was a pretty chilling time when I wrote this tune. 

After listening to the song I’m blown away and can’t wait to hear the rest. From the first line of the song that throws the listener off and gives you the unexpected, to the incredible use of Elif’s vocals that blend with Randy’s, this song captivates and so, I ask her more about this haunting and beautiful tune as she explains.

R.E.: It was interesting because she (Elif Çağlar) knows my voice so well that sometimes you don’t know where her voice starts and mine ends but I wanted that for the concept of the song. 

Deniz Taşar: It sounds like she’s your ghost extension. Her vocals seem subtle yet so powerful. This is the title track and you have the music video for this song as well. How did the story of that came about?

R.E.: Yeah. And the video represents this concept too. I wrote the whole story for it and found Gizem Bilgen, an amazing choreographer who did an incredible job and also is very well known in Akbank Sanat who sponsored this video. I always knew it would involve modern dance in it because I found the tune very theatrical and I’ve always loved modern dance and did it myself back in the day. The message is very clear. We’re all conflicted, we’re all struggling between being grateful and hopeful, practicing grace but at the same time, raging against the machine. We’re all – different ages and different stages in life – dealing with this inner conflict. I was feeling very alone but of course you have so many people in your life, a friend said to me, “You might be feeling lonely but you’re not alone.” 

D.T.: How did you decide to invite Elif on this track?

R.E.: Elif’s voice represents the grace, the hope, the happiness because she is such a generous spirit and is so lovely. She’s that character and I’m the angry, rocky one. You can hear it in our solos and can see it in the video. There are two women, a younger one and an older one, she is represented by the dancer in white and we also have the third dancer that represents the torment. Elif brings in the hope, trying to inspire us to pull us out of our rage, anger and despair, so she was the absolute natural choice for that. 

D.T.: How did the song came about? Are some of the vocals improvised, who made the calls on the arrangement for this track?

R.E.: This arrangement is completely my son Cenk Esen’s. He wrote all these lines for Elif, note by note except for the solos with the trading eight bars that we do with her. Kerem Can Dündar and I originally did this tune together but it never really worked until Cenk arranged it and made it what it is now.

D.T.: So how was imagining the song from scratch and getting it to where it is now? And how did you come up with it out on the street?

R.E.: It was a lonely day, I was waiting for a taxi, I was alone, I had this melody and I said to myself, I want to write something with intervals more and the words just came to me. I wrote the song by myself and wrote the chart, tried the song as a duo with Kerem Can, played it live for a while but it never worked until Cenk came in. He always had a spiritual feel to it, he was thinking about cadences and church and he just changed it and made it work. I really wanted intense vocal solos, so we did that as well. With this track, Cenk arranged everything, changed the chords but always stayed loyal to my vision and to my changes. Not only he arranged this tune, Cenk is the producer of this whole album while Aydın Esen is the executive producer.

D.T.: That’s amazing, congrats to Cenk on the whole record. Interestingly, this song sounds exactly like how I imagine you sounding. Because the stuff you’re doing is very tricky, almost to the point of sounding off to people who are not trained in the ear with music like this, you’re making the listener walk on the edges.

R.E.: Yeah, wow. There is no genre to this. We labeled it as contemporary jazz because we had to pick something but this is Esen sound, Randy sound. This is so personal; I just hope it reaches people on an emotional and musical level.

D.T.: It will reach the right people for sure. And I remember Elif was your student, right?

R.E.: Yes, she was my student a million years ago back when I was pregnant with Cenk and I was teaching at Bilgi University. She is now a friend, a mentor, everything!

D.T.: Wow that’s such a cycle! And now Cenk’s grown and producing the album where you’re inviting your old student – who is also an inspiration to all of us singers – as a guest artist and you’re doing these trades that remind me of the exercises we do in your class where we mimic your improvisation style while trying to be creative and authentic. So, you doing that with someone who is now a great artist on her own is so special.

R.E.: Yes, and since she is so respectful and we wanted to sound as one, I had to remind her to keep her own style and shine and of course she delivered, doing her quick lines that are so unique to her style.

Hearing about this beautiful story and knowing that Cenk, – Randy and Aydın’s younger son – is the producer of this record, I had to reach out to him and ask:

D.T.: What was the process like to work on such a personal album that tackles heavy themes as these and to create as a family?

Cenk Esen: The best part about being able to collaborate and create pieces of art with your family where there are deep and philosophical subjects going on in the music is that we know each other really well as people. I grew up with my parents, naturally, and because I know them really well as people, I know where these thoughts are coming from so I can relate and empathize with the situation and that is always helpful in music. We’re related and we’ve seen similar environments, we usually end up having similar thoughts and there are also loads of times when we have differing opinions and we can talk about that as well. It’s always super interesting, working on deeper meaning within the music with close ones because knowing each other so well has a big advantage.

D.T.: What was your inspiration of the arrangement for the album’s title track “Not Alone”? I heard you changed it quite a bit.

C.E.: Form-wise this track used to be the same form, spinning over and over but when you listen to this version, every two minutes or so, the form gets two times faster and my arrangement approach was inspired by the “Blue in Green” from the Kind of Blue (Album by Miles Davis). In that track the head is slow and then Miles’ solo is a little faster, and Coltrane’s solo gets faster, it keeps getting faster with the piano interludes and so when it comes to the point (in “Not Alone”) where my mom Randy and Elif Çağlar are trading, it’s about four times faster compared to the form while having the same chords, so that was a great inspiration.

Going back to the listening session, up next is the second track that has Dila Bahar as a guest singer and is produced by yet another Esen, the older son of Randy and Aydın, Aykan Esen with its arrangement and complete electronic sound scaping and production. “Just Losing” was also written during the pandemic and tells the story of the frustration that comes with noticing women, especially young women on social media looking outside of themselves for love, appreciation, praise and respect while showing empathy and saying “I was there once.” Randy says, “We’re all just losing if we’re going to be looking outside of ourselves for this stuff.”

D.T.: Wow! It’s completely different and still very you. And I love that part where it sounds a little pop! That ending sounds like the point where the audience completely gives in to the music, swaying and singing along with you.

R.E.: Exactly and we’ll be extending that part when we’re playing live and everybody will sing and jam. 

D.T.: It’s also very interesting to hear the use of two vocals being blurred into one another yet again. The song is directed at young women and you’re featuring one and singing along with her.

R.E.: Yeah and I like that, I didn’t want it to be just me. She’s singing very close to my style but if you listen closely, you’ll hear her sound is more nasal and her phrases are a little bit different too. We sing together like we did with Elif, it’s pretty similar but she’s young, never a student of mine but a fan that knows my style and voice very well. The concept is pretty simple in this one. “I’ve been there too, now me and you.” I’m not preaching at you, I’m just saying, I get it, and try not doing it anymore. I’m still struggling with it myself, which is what the last song of the album is about, turning the record into a cycle of its own. 

That hook they sing is so powerful and beautiful, the whole outro is a moment of its own, and although the song has a unique fusion of very different styles, this part gives me Robert Glasper vibes – which I love! –  and to which Cenk agrees and names as a definite inspiration and while he’s at it, he shares this funny moment from the studio.

C.E.: We were recording the outro sections of the vocalists on “Just Losing” and mom and Dila were doing some good takes but I wasn’t happy because I wanted it to feel sexy and not cute. So, after some tries, I go to the vocal booth and tell Saygın (Saygın Özatmaca, the recording engineer) to roll and start singing the low octaves of the phrase “I’ve been there too…” and we kept it in the mix. So, if you listen very closely to the last thirty seconds of that track, you can hear me very low in the mix. That was a really funny story.

And since it was Aykan who produced this track, of course I reached out to him for further information. I wanted to know where he found his inspiration and approach, and how it was like to work and create as a family.

D.T.: This song has lots of cool things going on. What was the process like to work on it? What were some of the things inspiring you musically?

Aykan Esen: “Just Loosing” is very groovy. It has this firm beat, there’s a deep sub bass and an active straight drum section. I can say that UK influences entered our music for sure. Especially towards the end you can hear the UK drum and bass and UK garage sound, an overall UK influence. I didn’t have much ready by the time we were at the studio to record the album. All the musicians started coming in, Jasper (Williamson), Şam (Şamil Oymak), Kerem (Can Dündar), Erman (Dirikcan) and it was like a big party of musicians and I had to escape to one of the other rooms in Babajim Studios to finish 60-70% of the production. Having all these musicians around, hearing their takes for the other songs of the album and being there in those days was the most inspiring thing possible. Just with my laptop, headphones and my little keyboard, I went upstairs in one of the rooms and finished the production there being so inspired by everyone else but also having to escape them in order to really get into it and do it. The lyrics were already there from Randy to really set the tone for the track. 

It’s a dark track but at the same time, really hopeful and of course having Dila Bahar there, a beautiful singer, and Anıl Tuncer as well was great. They were so sweet, so excited to be a part of the project. I was so nervous when I first showed them the track. I was curious about what they would think about a crazy song like this with lots of effects. They thought it was very unique, they loved it immediately. Dila went in and recorded so many different takes, sounds and effects. I took them and spread it all across the track. We just had a great time that day at the studio.

And he adds laughing, “I think Cenk already mentioned he’s in the mix as well, he just wanted everyone to sound sexier” and continues to explain the importance of this song for him, saying, “This track is especially meaningful to me because it’s the first time all three of my family members are in a song that I’ve produced. It only took me twenty-nine years to feel ready to do something like this where I produce a song and have both my parents, Cenk and other musicians we consider family, in it. It’s a big honor and it’s one of my favorite tracks I’ve produced so far.”

D.T.: What was taking the producing lead like, any other moments from that process you’d like to share? 

A.E.: My mom came to London five or six months after the initial recording and the song was really missing something and Cenk played this really beautiful piano intro when we were hanging out during Thanksgiving. That intro for me, saved the whole track, that one touch he did in the beginning. And of course, my dad’s touch at the end, with that little solo he does at the end of the track. These small touches by these brilliant musicians brought it all together. I just find myself so lucky to be able to work with them and call them my family as well.

D.T.: Now I want to know more about how it was like to work as a family, especially with such deep thematic narratives?

A.E.: In our family, in our music, the themes are always very heavy, serious and emotional. We’re not really trying to make people happy all the time but we’re telling the truth about life, the truth about our stories. Doing that together as a family made me and my brother overall more emotional musicians, always trying to tackle serious themes because seeing that influence from our family since we were growing up created a want for everything to be at a certain level, a certain emotion. Doing it all together – and I think this is the first time we really did it so together, because we were the side musicians and assistant engineers in the Behind the Light and Shine album, but in this album, it was really all of us together working in the studio for over a year and with very emotional, hard themes – was a different and beautiful experience. Doing it all together is a rare thing, we’re really proud and happy to be a part of it.

Speaking of heavy themes, next up is a Joni Mitchell song that’s re-arranged by Randy and Kerem Can Dündar and features the amazing İmer Demirer on trumpet. It is a dark, ambient tune that tackles abuse as a theme and invites the listener to read the meaning behind it however they like. Randy says “For some people this song can be about a heart break but to me it’s deeper than that. It can be lots of things to lots of different people and I’m really curious to see. Her words (Joni Mitchell) are just brilliant, very simple. Kudos to the band for this because of the way they’re playing it. The singing is pretty simple except for the outro which I really like.” And adds smiling, “I could sing outros for the rest of my life.”

After listening to “Man from Mars”, I tell her that I forgot where I was and that we were doing an interview because I got “spaced out”, pun intended. And we get to talking.

D.T.: For the first half, it gave me peace and calm, nothing negative and then I started feeling desperate like I’m underwater and I can see things but I can’t reach them, things are happening and I can’t stop it.

R.E.: It’s interesting that you felt peace in the beginning and you’re very right about the desperation. Underwater, floating, it is exactly how this feels. It is peaceful but then the angst comes in. While we’re talking about the track, I have to mention the incredible performance everybody gave and mention that this whole record was recorded live except for the electronics we used in “Just Losing” of course. All the rest, including this track is completely recorded live in the studio. 

D.T.: That is pure magic. And what a way to simulate losing yourself in an abusive relationship. At least that is my take, with things starting nice and without you knowing, you’re suffocating. This tune is definitely not for the weak hearted.

Moving on to “Borrowed Time”, there is a great surprise for all the Aydın Esen fans since the tune starts off with a piano solo from him. Randy says “I wrote this in 2015 right after my parents died but I had been working on it for years. I basically gave Aydın this little chart in the living room and said “Can you do something with this please?” and of course in five seconds he did everything. So, he took this very simple tune, beautiful Aydın Esen piano solo that I think people are going to be very happy to hear, added the data he programmed and there is Jasper Williamson playing some drums lightly in the back.”

D.T.: The title is beautiful, so, what is the meaning behind “Borrowed Time”?

R.E.: There is quite a story to this. Both my parents passed away in 2015 and that is what my first album (Behind the Light and Shine) was dedicated to. When my father was in hospice, I asked the nurse “How much time does he have?”, and she said “He’s on borrowed time.” So, the first verse is about my dad and telling people ‘carpe diem’. Life is precious, life is short, it’s fleeting, so grab the golden ring when you can. And the second verse is about my mom and how I couldn’t make it, “she was swept away without my final glance”, I didn’t make it by hours. So, it is different stories about both of their passing. 

D.T.: Tackling death, grief, family and yearning yet this song still manages to have an uplifting message and a tone.

R.E.: Yes, out of this darkness I say, live, grab the ring. 

After listening to the song, I’m yet again, blown away. And I yell, “Aydın Esen in the house!” and we laugh because nothing could have prepared me for what I just heard.

D.T.: Wow, that was unexpected. Randy, you anchor us, we’re holding on to your vocals to hold still.

R.E.: Yeah to stay within here. There’s a lot to unpack on this one. And it just keeps getting more and more, the song is about time, the passage of time as you can see. I’m playing with my phrasing like crazy, playing with space, coming in very early or really late sometimes and that is from Aydın saying, “Don’t sing on the one.” 

D.T.: This unexpected style of vocal phrasing gets me to think about how life cannot be planned and things don’t happen as expected.

R.E.: Yeah, we’re all on borrowed time.

This beautiful track leads us to the ending of this album in two parts and as we get prepared to hear it, we take another bite from our cinnamon buns and find ourselves talking about life, writing, growing and surviving this tough business. Randy says, “You have to do your thing. Being an older woman and still trying to figure out what I’m going to do when I grow up, that’s my message to everybody.” And I add, overly excited, “Because it doesn’t end.” 

R.E.: Yes, it never ends. You’re still struggling. This last tune, we’re going to talk about that a lot.

D.T.: I feel like musicians are younger at heart. 

R.E.: We have to be, don’t we, to survive? 

D.T.: While also being old souls in a way.

R.E.: Yeah and that is an interesting contradiction.

D.T.: I’ve always felt like I’m an old soul but I also think that I’m a little baby that will never grow old.

R.E.: And that’s a great thing, a great combination, you’re right. Because how do you survive this really tough business? You have to have that childish spirit that lets you try again and again, but also the old soul so you can actually give the depth to the performances or the recordings or whatever it is that you’re doing.

While we put on the first half of the last song, “Clenched I”, Randy starts telling me the story behind it and for the first time, we hear a whole different Randy, maybe a younger version, a singer-songwriter that listens to the likes of James Taylor and Tori Amos and this time there are no other sounds, it is just her on the piano. It feels as if we’re getting a peek at her process when she’s alone and writing. It’s vulnerable and magical. And you are alone with her powerful words and vocal performance that gives you chills all the way through.

R.E.: This song, I sat in the café and just wrote it. Stream of consciousness. I was really pissed off; I was not happy with the way certain people were reacting. I was not getting the praise, love and appreciation I hoped I would and that made me so sad, disappointed and devastated. I made the mistake of expecting that from other people while it was already a thing that was making me so happy. And this is the exact message I wanted to give in “Just Losing”, that we should not be looking for this happiness anywhere outside of ourselves. Focusing on what I didn’t have while there were so much greatness, that made me turn against me and got me doubting myself and my ideas, it grew into a fear of not being understood or loved enough. “Fear lies deep, it never sleeps.”

Learning more about Randy’s inspirations, I then ask Cenk what his musical inspirations were on his approach to producing each track and the album as a whole.

C.E.: On the vocal aspect of things, some inspirations are Flora Purim and Joni Mitchell. We love them, we grew up listening to them and I know how life changing effects they had on my parents, especially my mom. I was listening to their music and getting inspired by that. But of course, we’re all part of the Aydın Esen school of music, so, he was always touching up on the tracks, giving advice and knowing what I’ve learned from him, he was a huge impact on music and this specific music. About “Clenched”, the track features Şam who we are big fans of. Him and his pieces are a huge inspiration to me as well as loads of rappers like Kendrick Lamar.

R.E.: Cenk and I arranged this together and I told him for “Clenched II”, I want to sing something in Turkish but I’m not quite ready yet so I decided I want some very edgy, angry rap that reflects these words but completely in their own way. I don’t want my voice, I don’t want any air or pretty, flowing lines, I want edge, darkness, anger and sharpness. So, I went to Çağıl Kaya since she is quite the opposite of me as a vocalist and I love her and her words and I asked her to write something and Cenk went to Şam and both of them wrote a section for this track and we recorded it together.

D.T.: The vocal contrast sounds amazing and I love the whispering towards the end. It is a lot to take in yet it ends in a positive light. What a journey!

R.E.: They did an amazing job and we found a good balance. With the whispers, we come down and we go back to the themes from “Clenched I” and there is some closure. And the last line I sang in the album is “needing time”. That’s huge for a sixty-five-year-old who is still trying to figure out what she’s going to do when she grows up. 

Cenk tells me they start the recording on his mom’s birthday on 1^st of May in 2022, and instead of having cake they just ate multiple dürüms (a Turkish style wrap), all types of them! And that it was a great celebration to start the first day of recording, one they will never forget. You can hear the mutual inspiration, respect and love all over this album. It’s a family thing like Cenk says in his own debut album, and it’s a legacy thing as Randy calls it. She says it’s the biggest gift, getting to do this as a family. And that it took a long time because they wanted to keep in the family making sure everything is exactly how they like it. With Cenk in charge of arrangements and producing while Aykan did most of the mixing with Aydın Esen giving a helping hand in some and of course making sure the project went smoothly and according to the vision while they gave life to the wonderful Randy Esen’s beautiful music and lyrics. She calls them magicians for pulling this off.

This album is exactly what we needed in a fast pace production, consumerism era because it gets us to stop, give it our whole attention, think on it, really feel and process. This is an album that’s filled with context, top notch musicianship and raw emotions. It is also a philosophical one that gets you thinking about life and one’s relationship to time. And art like this takes time because it needs time, experience, a life full of stories in all varieties to mature and blossom.

I am very excited to announce that we will get to enjoy this masterpiece live at the album launch concert on the 11^th of July at Moda Sahnesi; click here for tickets. A chance to see the legendary Esen family and their wonderful musical guests up on stage performing their magic. I thank the family and especially Randy for this open and vulnerable conversation and leave you alone with this incredible piece of music and all the intense feelings it will dig up. This was quite an experience.